How do you measure a year?

In the song “Seasons of Love,” from the play and film Rent, four lines frame the question I’ve been trying to answer as I finally say good-bye to 2019:

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes

Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes

How do you measure, measure a year?

 The cast, after debating various measurements, asks “How about love?” and seems to agree to “Measure in love, Seasons of love.” Each of the members is dealing with loss, yet they are able to see those losses as something beautiful, as seasons of love. 

I’ve contemplated that song quite a bit as I’ve reflected on my 2019.  I’ve had some professional and some personal losses over the past year. Here are a few I’ve been able to measure differently. I hope my words might help you find your own way to do the same.

1 – Embracing new relationships with my children

Being a guest in my daughters’ homes helped me let go of my old ideas of them and embrace who they’ve become.

My daughter Lindsay moved to Honolulu in 2016 but September marked only the second trip I’ve made to visit. I mean, who wants to visit Hawaii, right? ;) 

I also made an overdue trip to my daughter Courtney’s apartment in Manhattan. 

What I’ve learned is that when I visit my children, they behave differently than how they behave when they visit me. They are the host and I am, mother or not, the guest. The reverse dynamic can be really wonderful. My daughters treat me with love and respect and we have a lot of fun as they show me their cities. I am a witness to their adult selves realized and it helps me see and treat them as peers rather than my “girls.” And that is profound. 

2 – Appreciating this stage of life

I wasn’t one of those mothers who celebrated the empty nest; instead, I found myself spending a lot of time looking back and missing my girls. Five years later, I’ve built a business I love, moved with my husband back to our old neighborhood and bought a building where we both base our businesses. Oh, and adopted two cats to be companions for our two dogs. 

Yes, I miss my girls. I also miss my younger body;) On the other hand, I am able to sleep more, exercise more, read more books. I also work more. It’s a different life, but it’s one I’ve created for myself and I am grateful every day for it.

3 –  Being able to tap into my faith

The most painful experience I’ve had in my life came this year. My father transcended in January. I choose the word “transcend” with intention. I believe with all my head, heart and soul that he is at peace, in touch with a loving God. And that belief brings me peace.

My faith is a messy, morphing thing. It is so personal that I’ve rarely discussed it with anyone. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t there. I’m promising myself to dig deeper next year. In the meantime, my faith has helped me to focus on being grateful for having my father in my life for so long. I was lucky/blessed/fortunate to be born to two amazing parents. I am so glad that my Dad was able to see my children grow up. 

4 – The inner circle I’ve been craving

Being an entrepreneur is a lonely experience. Even with my rockstar #TeamProsper, there are so many things that only another entrepreneur understands. It was with that in mind that six years ago, I started thinking about what an inner circle might look like. 

Earlier this month I hosted the second official gathering of Everbloomers. I adapted this term to represent women of any age who were rebelling against labels, constantly looking to do better and be better. I’ve been ideating it for years, so thanks to my dear friends Tamsin and Maggie for convincing me this was an idea worth launching.

My vision is for Everbloomers to become a community of passionate and ambitious women dedicated to continuous professional and personal growth; sharing their gifts in order to help one another succeed. The current format is monthly dinners but in January I’ll form a more official plan with the other 13 women who have gathered based on the concept alone. We have much to share and learn from one another. A platform is already in the works and I look forward to sharing more.

5 – Accepting myself

My Myers-Briggs type was verified for the second time in 2013. I am an ENFP (Extroverted vs. Introverted, Intuitive vs. Sensor, Feeler vs. Thinker and Perceiver vs. Judger). That is not the profile of most CEOs. It IS the profile, I’ve been told and experienced, of someone who empathizes with others oftentimes to her own detriment. I am trying (oh so hard) to learn from my mistakes and not repeat them. On the other hand, I consider empathy a really important trait and I don’t want to lose it because (as my husband says) it’s a big part of what makes me “me.” 

To accept myself, I also want to continue to get to understand myself better. Part of enjoying this stage of life is understanding how I’ve changed. To that end, while I was not surprised by my Myers-Briggs type, I was surprised to find, via Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map, that FREEDOM is my biggest core desired feeling. That was a shocker. So I’m now a Desire Map Facilitator because I want to help other women identify their CDFs and compare them to the lives they’re living. 

As I greet 2020, knowing who I am and what I want is important. Appreciating all that I have is critical. 

My wish for all of us is to remember the love.