If Our Dogs Wrote the Christmas Letter

The family dogs, Sace and Mollie.

Season’s Barkings!

SACE: After hearing our mom, Lorraine, lament that last year there was no Christmas card and no Christmas letter due to something called ‘the overseas adventure,’ and this year she is busy with her new business (which also means no time to play with me), Mollie and I agreed to take matters into our own paws and write the holiday letter ourselves. Having heard some of the past letters read, let me tell you they sound nothing like the perspective Mollie and I have- and we should know!

MOLLIE: This is a busy season for Sace and me too, of course. They don’t call it ‘a dog’s life’ for nothing! We have been on stranger danger alert. It’s barely December and our voices are a bit hoarse from barking at the mailman… And the UPS man… And the FedEx man… Apparently this is also the season for deliveries!

SACE: Well, the past two years have been full of comings and goings. Many without Mollie or me. We sit alert by the suitcases every time, but these people just don’t get the hint. Last December, the family took off to places called Paris, Marrakesh and Venice.

MOLLIE: Sace suffered in silence but I tend towards disruptive behavior when I am stressed. The pound of butter Nana left on the counter to bake cookies was easy to get, and it didn't taste too bad once I got through the paper. The family definitely knew I was upset when Nana reported that I threw up all over the house.

SACE: Once the excitement of the holidays passed (we love having our Lindsay and Courtney home), things quieted down. In January, Lorraine started her own business, Prosper for Purpose. She is home more but tells me she is working when I try to jump in her lap. She seems happy about this work and I do get extra time with her, so I'm patient. 

MOLLIE: Rob also started something new, or should I say 'nude.' Not him, but his art. Everyone got very excited by these new paintings. I don’t know what the big deal is. I never wear clothes and no one pays any attention. A special Woof! Woof! to Rob for getting these paintings in galleries across the U.S. and in a place called Toronto. If Rob would only paint me, I’m certain he’d become rich and famous.

SACE: Our Courtney graduated college this year and had an internship offer from one of her ‘semester abroad’ instructors, who is the owner and founder of Merchanfeeling, a visual merchandising company that works with brands like Hermès and Burberry. Courtney has now traveled to Greece, Spain, Austria, Germany, Finland, Norway, Ireland, England, Scotland and Africa! As if that weren’t bad enough, she has been offered a full-time position and so she may be living permanently in Paris. I am going to have to come up with some way to keep her here. I’m thinking about giving her my best happy face when she gets home and behaving as if she’s the only person I love. Mom will be hurt, but we all must make sacrifices for the greater good.

MOLLIE: Lindsay left LA for Nashville. She’s doing something called ‘juggling jobs.’ But early this year, before she moved, she was ‘discovered’ working on the set of a TV show and put in front of the camera for a Vh-1 series called ‘Making Mr. Right.’ Man there was a lot of drama during that show, and I’m not talking just on the TV. But our girl emerged the fan favorite and is busy exploring new opportunities in Nashville, including the TV show of the same name, where she has worked as an extra.

SACE and MOLLIE: So, in closing, if you think it’s tough keeping up with the Joneses, you should just TRY keeping up with the Schuchart/Hartshorn/Osbornes!